Gone Again

     Seems like he just got home and he's off again. That's because he did just get home. Only two days home this round and off again.  So back now to juggling life as a single parent for the next few days.  Because let's face it, even though I am married, I am also a single parent.  But I am not saying this to have you feel sorry for me or anything, it is merely a statement of fact. And, before you get your pitchforks out and chase me down, I know I married a pilot so I knew what I was getting into, not complaining about it, just stating a fact of life.
     As my children grow and start thinking of their careers in life, this also makes you reflect on your careers in life. My sweet girl is living out her dream (at least I hope it is what she's truly passionate about) and studying Marine Biology. Hubby of course worries daily that she won't be able to find a stable job with good income after graduating as to some, this is one of those "fluff" type degrees. I then remind him that her actual degree is in Biology, just a marine focus so can do many things with that. Of course I worry too but I want them to be able to take their young lives to explore their passions to find that career that excites them because as the rest of us adults know, there is a LONG time in your life that you will be working and if you don't like your job, it can pull the rest of your life down.
     Our boys on the other hand have started to talk about life as a...dare I say...pilot. Now I think a lot of people get giddy and proud when their kids want to take after them. This is another area where my pilot gets worried. Though he loved his career, it is still a job. And when they say this his mind starts racing and for reasons to protect his kids it seem to focus more on all the "bad" of the career than the good. But he is the protector right? It's his job to worry and prepare and since he (and of course I) have lived this, we know all to well how it can be.
     But do we really? Actually, no. We know OUR version of how to live this life. This now goes back to what I talked about in the last blog on how two people can be part of the same scenario, but still have a different recollection of that scenario. When we truly started this life journey together, he was not a pilot. OK, let me back that with saying he was a pilot in he had some ratings and did some schooling but was not flying commercially for anyone. He had started it all in college but for certain reasons he decided it was time to stop and move home. Which luckily for me he did or we may have never been re-acquainted.
     Now to jump to the beginning of the "us" part. He was doing electrical work as a career when we started our life, but I knew he had this passion for flying still. It was in his family blood (uncle, grandfather, etc) so I knew deep down that this may come back around. He is so smart, mechanically minded and level headed and friendly that I knew he possessed the traits of being a good pilot. Good thing I kept that in the back of my mind. Then that fateful day came when he realized though he also liked electrical work and was good at it, it wasn't his passion. 
     We had the first "talk" of many as moving and life changes would have to take place and he jumped back into it.  So when I say we don't truly know the story of the pilot life I mean, we only know our version of the truth. There are many others out there so we can only prepare our boys for what we know and that's all we can do. But that's really all we can do with all aspects of parenting, arm them with what we know to be and the rest they have to figure out for themselves. The biggest part I can arm them with is this, If you are going to do this and want a family as well (which of course I hope they do) BOTH parties have to be so strong and independent yet truly want to be with their other half. There will be many sad and lonely nights for both sides but many good ones. Have to be a glass is half full type of person I think to truly make this lifestyle work. Funny side-note, he saw a post either on a trip or the Internet somewhere that stated "It truly doesn't matter if it is half full or half empty, there is room for more beer!" When I think about that saying I take it in this direction, you might as well live life to the fullest so fill it up! 

Old Sayings and Life

     There are so many "old sayings" that you hear growing up and most of the time you think, "yeah, whatever, sounds...antiquated" (for some reason I love that word) until the time comes when that particular "old saying" starts to mean something in your life.  Take a moment and think back to some you remember hearing a lot, then and even now.  For me, at this moment in time, there are two that are truly hitting home.  The first comes in a variety of ways but the main point is "they grow up so fast" of course referring to your children.
     When you are the child hearing this most of the time you were probably thinking, yes! I can't wait to grow up! be my own person, make my own choices and live me own life! Well yeah, that's the normal thought process. Then you "grow up" (let's just say after high school age for arguments sake) hit a few bumps in the road here and there and run back to your parent(s) for help, guidance and, probably money as well. Hopefully you are one of the lucky ones that has that resource to help in all aspects, and if you didn't (or don't) then hopefully a really good friend base you can lean on. That's what I hope for for my own kids.
     Having a child that is now in their third year of college, each time they head back to school so many things go through your head. What did I not teach them yet about being on their own? What can I cram into a "summer of learning" before they head back? Which of my many flaws did I thrust upon them that I have to start un-doing? Are they confident, independent and... truly happy?  Then you think to your self can any of the questions actually be answered? Not just for them, but you as well? When you figure any of this out, please share it with me and the world please. 
     Then I think of my husband and his life. Yes, I said his  life, not our life. Here's where my next
favorite "old saying" comes in. This one has actually been altered to me now after recently reading a new version, and I like the new one sooooooo much better.  Old version, "Happy Wife, Happy Life." Yup! We've all heard that one and joked about it, whether married or not. If you scour the internet you will find oodles of places that talk about this saying in length. One I found interesting comes from the man's point of view on https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/exposing-myth-happy-wife-happy-life-wcz/ which brings me to the new version of this I like better way better, "Happy Spouse, Happy House."
     Think about this and now put in on a more global level. This works whether about marriage, friendships or the workplace if you put it in a general sense context. What I mean is, everyone within the relationship should matter. Things shouldn't be one-sided and more about the other person, if it is, that's when things like resentment can come about.  That is where things I think get screwed up. There can be many times where it seems as if everyone is well, selfish. The thing is, I don't think most people even realize they are appearing that way either.
     A person I used to associate more with when I lived in a different city was a therapist. And she said something that to this day always sticks with me. This is paraphrasing and my version of what was said so long ago but it still works. She said it is hard to see something when you are deep in it. Hmmmm-K. Think about it and dig deep and you will realize it is true.  People are amazing creatures and no one really knows truly how we work and why. Anyone who has tried to solve a mystery whether police, a parent, etc., when you walk into something, try to get both sides of the story, each one is different. Past experiences, life and your brain "protecting" you from life make this happen.
     As I continue on the next decade of being a "Pilot's Wife," I have learned and grown more myself and I try to remember this when my husband comes home from his work life. I state it that way as it can truly be a different life. He's gone for days, cut off from us, (yes we call, text, FaceTime etc but he isn't with us here, in a physical sense), so I want to try and make his home life happy as well. But that's the tricky part of life and "Happy Spouse" is being able to do that while at the same time not losing yourself and your own happiness. The hardest part I have with that saying currently in life is mainly being the peace keeper between him and the ways of the teenager. I, of course being around it all day I am more used to it. Some days this can be truly exhausting and stressful but I don't want his time home being in a head-to-head battle just as I don't want our kids then stressed and being, well, happy he's going back to his work life. So getting both sides of this teenage equation to be a "happy spouse" can be trying. To top it all off, at the end of the day we (him and I) have to be good and happy together because "they grow up so fast" and it will soon be back to just the two of us. These are the days of our lives.