Friday, June 28, 2019

Gone Again

     Seems like he just got home and he's off again. That's because he did just get home. Only two days home this round and off again.  So back now to juggling life as a single parent for the next few days.  Because let's face it, even though I am married, I am also a single parent.  But I am not saying this to have you feel sorry for me or anything, it is merely a statement of fact. And, before you get your pitchforks out and chase me down, I know I married a pilot so I knew what I was getting into, not complaining about it, just stating a fact of life.
     As my children grow and start thinking of their careers in life, this also makes you reflect on your careers in life. My sweet girl is living out her dream (at least I hope it is what she's truly passionate about) and studying Marine Biology. Hubby of course worries daily that she won't be able to find a stable job with good income after graduating as to some, this is one of those "fluff" type degrees. I then remind him that her actual degree is in Biology, just a marine focus so can do many things with that. Of course I worry too but I want them to be able to take their young lives to explore their passions to find that career that excites them because as the rest of us adults know, there is a LONG time in your life that you will be working and if you don't like your job, it can pull the rest of your life down.
     Our boys on the other hand have started to talk about life as a...dare I say...pilot. Now I think a lot of people get giddy and proud when their kids want to take after them. This is another area where my pilot gets worried. Though he loved his career, it is still a job. And when they say this his mind starts racing and for reasons to protect his kids it seem to focus more on all the "bad" of the career than the good. But he is the protector right? It's his job to worry and prepare and since he (and of course I) have lived this, we know all to well how it can be.
     But do we really? Actually, no. We know OUR version of how to live this life. This now goes back to what I talked about in the last blog on how two people can be part of the same scenario, but still have a different recollection of that scenario. When we truly started this life journey together, he was not a pilot. OK, let me back that with saying he was a pilot in he had some ratings and did some schooling but was not flying commercially for anyone. He had started it all in college but for certain reasons he decided it was time to stop and move home. Which luckily for me he did or we may have never been re-acquainted.
     Now to jump to the beginning of the "us" part. He was doing electrical work as a career when we started our life, but I knew he had this passion for flying still. It was in his family blood (uncle, grandfather, etc) so I knew deep down that this may come back around. He is so smart, mechanically minded and level headed and friendly that I knew he possessed the traits of being a good pilot. Good thing I kept that in the back of my mind. Then that fateful day came when he realized though he also liked electrical work and was good at it, it wasn't his passion. 
     We had the first "talk" of many as moving and life changes would have to take place and he jumped back into it.  So when I say we don't truly know the story of the pilot life I mean, we only know our version of the truth. There are many others out there so we can only prepare our boys for what we know and that's all we can do. But that's really all we can do with all aspects of parenting, arm them with what we know to be and the rest they have to figure out for themselves. The biggest part I can arm them with is this, If you are going to do this and want a family as well (which of course I hope they do) BOTH parties have to be so strong and independent yet truly want to be with their other half. There will be many sad and lonely nights for both sides but many good ones. Have to be a glass is half full type of person I think to truly make this lifestyle work. Funny side-note, he saw a post either on a trip or the Internet somewhere that stated "It truly doesn't matter if it is half full or half empty, there is room for more beer!" When I think about that saying I take it in this direction, you might as well live life to the fullest so fill it up! 

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Old Sayings and Life

     There are so many "old sayings" that you hear growing up and most of the time you think, "yeah, whatever, sounds...antiquated" (for some reason I love that word) until the time comes when that particular "old saying" starts to mean something in your life.  Take a moment and think back to some you remember hearing a lot, then and even now.  For me, at this moment in time, there are two that are truly hitting home.  The first comes in a variety of ways but the main point is "they grow up so fast" of course referring to your children.
     When you are the child hearing this most of the time you were probably thinking, yes! I can't wait to grow up! be my own person, make my own choices and live me own life! Well yeah, that's the normal thought process. Then you "grow up" (let's just say after high school age for arguments sake) hit a few bumps in the road here and there and run back to your parent(s) for help, guidance and, probably money as well. Hopefully you are one of the lucky ones that has that resource to help in all aspects, and if you didn't (or don't) then hopefully a really good friend base you can lean on. That's what I hope for for my own kids.
     Having a child that is now in their third year of college, each time they head back to school so many things go through your head. What did I not teach them yet about being on their own? What can I cram into a "summer of learning" before they head back? Which of my many flaws did I thrust upon them that I have to start un-doing? Are they confident, independent and... truly happy?  Then you think to your self can any of the questions actually be answered? Not just for them, but you as well? When you figure any of this out, please share it with me and the world please. 
     Then I think of my husband and his life. Yes, I said his  life, not our life. Here's where my next
favorite "old saying" comes in. This one has actually been altered to me now after recently reading a new version, and I like the new one sooooooo much better.  Old version, "Happy Wife, Happy Life." Yup! We've all heard that one and joked about it, whether married or not. If you scour the internet you will find oodles of places that talk about this saying in length. One I found interesting comes from the man's point of view on which brings me to the new version of this I like better way better, "Happy Spouse, Happy House."
     Think about this and now put in on a more global level. This works whether about marriage, friendships or the workplace if you put it in a general sense context. What I mean is, everyone within the relationship should matter. Things shouldn't be one-sided and more about the other person, if it is, that's when things like resentment can come about.  That is where things I think get screwed up. There can be many times where it seems as if everyone is well, selfish. The thing is, I don't think most people even realize they are appearing that way either.
     A person I used to associate more with when I lived in a different city was a therapist. And she said something that to this day always sticks with me. This is paraphrasing and my version of what was said so long ago but it still works. She said it is hard to see something when you are deep in it. Hmmmm-K. Think about it and dig deep and you will realize it is true.  People are amazing creatures and no one really knows truly how we work and why. Anyone who has tried to solve a mystery whether police, a parent, etc., when you walk into something, try to get both sides of the story, each one is different. Past experiences, life and your brain "protecting" you from life make this happen.
     As I continue on the next decade of being a "Pilot's Wife," I have learned and grown more myself and I try to remember this when my husband comes home from his work life. I state it that way as it can truly be a different life. He's gone for days, cut off from us, (yes we call, text, FaceTime etc but he isn't with us here, in a physical sense), so I want to try and make his home life happy as well. But that's the tricky part of life and "Happy Spouse" is being able to do that while at the same time not losing yourself and your own happiness. The hardest part I have with that saying currently in life is mainly being the peace keeper between him and the ways of the teenager. I, of course being around it all day I am more used to it. Some days this can be truly exhausting and stressful but I don't want his time home being in a head-to-head battle just as I don't want our kids then stressed and being, well, happy he's going back to his work life. So getting both sides of this teenage equation to be a "happy spouse" can be trying. To top it all off, at the end of the day we (him and I) have to be good and happy together because "they grow up so fast" and it will soon be back to just the two of us. These are the days of our lives.

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Embracing Life, Change and the Future...Suck it Up!

     Well so much for writing more often! Good to have a goal right?! It's good for the soul. The best thing about writing a blog is that you can go back and read what you wrote and see how things may have changed, or how they stayed the same. Yes in the olden days we had our diaries, but in this new aged digital world. just maybe my words can have an impact on someone else as well. I suppose I would always wish it to be a positive impact but after seeing too many negative posts on many different forum sites over the years I know that won't always be the case. People need to just suck it up and realize that they just need to watch their own bobber and live.  What I have been wondering for some time is what has happened to people that they seem to be getting more negative in life?  Have they always been this way and we just have more access to now? Is the media creating more hype around things to keep that "shock" factor in everything? I think of myself as a half -full person and I think I have been that way most of my life. Of course would have to ask my parents and childhood friends to see if that is truly the case but I feel I have been.  Of course I am no different than anyone else in that I get mad at stupid things and lose my temper at things that really have no merit to getting that upset on, but as a whole I really truly believe that life IS indeed what you make it so suck it up and be happy!
     My oldest will be turning 20 this next year. Twenty! When did that happen? Just last week I swear she was 5! As she is now embarking on her second year in college I sit many nights wondering how I did as a far.  She has taken a big leap and chose a school over 1,000 miles away so is that to get away from us or to just spread her wings? Of course the mom in me believes it is to chase her dreams. I am so glad she did. Regret in trying new things is a thing that I don't want my children to suffer from very often. I am not naive to think they won't have those types of regrets, but I want them to be few and far between. Recently she has called often about her classes this semester as she took on a hard and heavy load. She ended up really struggling in one and dropping the class and still has one that she isn't doing as well as she would like. One main reason, she really dislikes this professor. So here is a great life teaching mom moment. My advice to her?...suck it up!
     There will ALWAYS and FOREVER throughout your life be people that you do not like. I don't like saying it in that way but it really is the best way to state it. But should you let that person ruin your life for you? Absolutely not! Will she get a great grade in this class? Probably not. Is she going to be pissed about that? Absolutely as that is her personality but she has to learn to suck it up. Take the good with the bad and let it roll off and move on. I know this is something I have been trying to teach them more so the last few years in life.  When they are little I think we almost get too caught up in teaching the basics in life like walking, talking, kindness and empathy (hopefully), that I think we may miss some of the really important life lessons like self esteem and yes, sucking it up. But then we are set with the task of can you truly teach these things?
     I remember growing up we had a program called "Project Charlie" in grade school.  I don't remember all about it but I remember thinking it was a program to help you learn self-esteem and other traits. So I looked it up and it turns out it wasn't that at all but an early version of a drug and alcohol prevention program that no longer exists. I found this definition on the web, (so of course it must be true right?)  Project CHARLIE (Chemical Abuse Resolution Lies in Education) is an attempt to influence children's attitudes and behavior concerning substance abuse by teaching them social skills and enabling them to resist peer pressure as well as informing them about drugs. Project CHARLIE incorporates the principal elements of a successful drug education program into its curriculum; however, its emphasis on self-esteem and self-awareness may be misplaced. Comparisons between primary school pupils exposed to Project CHARLIE for one year and peers who have not reveal that Project CHARLIE children: (1) have greater knowledge of the effects of medicinal, social and illicit drugs; (2) are more secure in their ability to resist peer pressure to commit antisocial acts; (3) produce both more and higher quality solutions to social dilemmas and fewer solutions of poor quality; (4) do not have substantially higher self-esteem. ( 
     So why did I remember it as a self-esteem program? The only thing I can think of is maybe my instructor(s) main focus was love yourself enough to say no and not get involved in all that peer pressure crap. Which is a good thing to learn, then and now. Kids now do have it harder than we did in that if someone didn't like you and sent you a "bad note," all you had to do was rip it up and it wold be forgotten. Now it can stay and haunt you for days and even years. Even if you delete it, someone else may still have it and use it against you later. And there is always someone watching and taping you now as well. So how can you teach them that if your "friends" want you to join in something that is "bad" and you don't want to that you need to suck it up and realize they are not truly your friends and move on to find some new ones.
     I think that even though I am a half-full person, I know most of that comes from being able to be happy with me and let things go. Now I am sure I was not always this way growing up and a lot of these things I have learned along the way but that is why communication is so important with your kids and everyone in your life. So figure out a way, as a parent, a family member or a friend to suck it up and have those sometimes hard conversations.  Knowing that some times they may get mad at what you say but if they truly care for you and honestly absorb what you say, if it is something that is truly to help them in some way, they will always end up appreciating what you did to try and help them learn and grow as a person.