There are so many "old sayings" that you hear growing up and most of the time you think, "yeah, whatever, sounds...antiquated" (for some reason I love that word) until the time comes when that particular "old saying" starts to mean something in your life. Take a moment and think back to some you remember hearing a lot, then and even now. For me, at this moment in time, there are two that are truly hitting home. The first comes in a variety of ways but the main point is "they grow up so fast" of course referring to your children.
When you are the child hearing this most of the time you were probably thinking, yes! I can't wait to grow up! be my own person, make my own choices and live me own life! Well yeah, that's the normal thought process. Then you "grow up" (let's just say after high school age for arguments sake) hit a few bumps in the road here and there and run back to your parent(s) for help, guidance and, probably money as well. Hopefully you are one of the lucky ones that has that resource to help in all aspects, and if you didn't (or don't) then hopefully a really good friend base you can lean on. That's what I hope for for my own kids.
Having a child that is now in their third year of college, each time they head back to school so many things go through your head. What did I not teach them yet about being on their own? What can I cram into a "summer of learning" before they head back? Which of my many flaws did I thrust upon them that I have to start un-doing? Are they confident, independent and... truly happy? Then you think to your self can any of the questions actually be answered? Not just for them, but you as well? When you figure any of this out, please share it with me and the world please.
Then I think of my husband and his life. Yes, I said his life, not our life. Here's where my next
favorite "old saying" comes in. This one has actually been altered to me now after recently reading a new version, and I like the new one sooooooo much better. Old version, "Happy Wife, Happy Life." Yup! We've all heard that one and joked about it, whether married or not. If you scour the internet you will find oodles of places that talk about this saying in length. One I found interesting comes from the man's point of view on https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/exposing-myth-happy-wife-happy-life-wcz/ which brings me to the new version of this I like better way better, "Happy Spouse, Happy House."
Think about this and now put in on a more global level. This works whether about marriage, friendships or the workplace if you put it in a general sense context. What I mean is, everyone within the relationship should matter. Things shouldn't be one-sided and more about the other person, if it is, that's when things like resentment can come about. That is where things I think get screwed up. There can be many times where it seems as if everyone is well, selfish. The thing is, I don't think most people even realize they are appearing that way either.
A person I used to associate more with when I lived in a different city was a therapist. And she said something that to this day always sticks with me. This is paraphrasing and my version of what was said so long ago but it still works. She said it is hard to see something when you are deep in it. Hmmmm-K. Think about it and dig deep and you will realize it is true. People are amazing creatures and no one really knows truly how we work and why. Anyone who has tried to solve a mystery whether police, a parent, etc., when you walk into something, try to get both sides of the story, each one is different. Past experiences, life and your brain "protecting" you from life make this happen.
As I continue on the next decade of being a "Pilot's Wife," I have learned and grown more myself and I try to remember this when my husband comes home from his work life. I state it that way as it can truly be a different life. He's gone for days, cut off from us, (yes we call, text, FaceTime etc but he isn't with us here, in a physical sense), so I want to try and make his home life happy as well. But that's the tricky part of life and "Happy Spouse" is being able to do that while at the same time not losing yourself and your own happiness. The hardest part I have with that saying currently in life is mainly being the peace keeper between him and the ways of the teenager. I, of course being around it all day I am more used to it. Some days this can be truly exhausting and stressful but I don't want his time home being in a head-to-head battle just as I don't want our kids then stressed and being, well, happy he's going back to his work life. So getting both sides of this teenage equation to be a "happy spouse" can be trying. To top it all off, at the end of the day we (him and I) have to be good and happy together because "they grow up so fast" and it will soon be back to just the two of us. These are the days of our lives.
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